Hello my Dearest Hard Boiled Custard Gravy Drinkers
And a very splendid evening to one and all! WELL!!! It is so nice to be back on the air-waves and chatting with all of you lovely Orchard Manor people. It seems quite a while, with the distant memories of the summer holidays and a couple of computer-related inter-web issues with your school’s technology systems, we at Randomland have missed you enormously. BUT!! Now the clever IT fixer people have re-connected to our Randomland steam-driven Commodore 64 computer (deluxe 1974 model!!). We are back in business!
Apologies firstly, to those new staff, who may question the sanity of this email communication and may have already pressed the ‘Dustbin’ icon. Please be assured that this is a …..Genuine!! OMS Related Narrative! And secondly, the previous volumes of Reg emails have yet to be recovered from wherever they are sitting, all tingly and fluffy, waiting to be re-read. So we at Randomland may have forgotten the protocol, the past winners and the extreme high quality of previous prizes!!
Nevertheless……We will proceed….
The first wonder-gift of this year is something that maybe would have been useful during those long summer days on the beach. Something that the lifeguards would deem essential and something that may well help you learn a vital skill. So, if you want to swim like a dolphin, but have not yet learnt the art, these beautiful inflatable orange arm bands will do the trick, keeping you afloat, whilst moving those legs with enthusiasm! Also…gentlemen…if you can swim already how about inflating these bad boys and putting on a long sleeved shirt…..biceps of enormous magnitude - Result!! And ladies, tie a bit of string to them, loop them around your lugs and hey presto ….eye-catching ear rings!! The uses are endless….. What will you do Lisa?
Following that…something extremely ‘normal’ but wanted…the chocolate aspect…a box of ‘top of the range’ Lindor chocolates, absolutely yummy. This variety is ‘double chocolate’ …irresistibly smooth’ it says on the box!! Fab and munched away by Kim
Number 3. A Tin…full of the most wonderful things combined to give you a most pleasurable dining experience. Made from sun dried Icelandic carrots, individually caressed salad potatoes, tended by a professional basketball player in his garden in Pheonix, Arizona, Columbian ‘surprise’ herbs, Onions from the hanging gardens of Rotterdam, Green lentils, freshly picked from roadside verges in Tunisia and rare Devonshire ‘blue nose peas’, only found in small area’s of tidal reach in the Teign estuary. All slow cooked over a fire of Patagonian black bark Oak wood, lovingly joined to create the most delicious vegetable curry ever made. Spooned up by Ceara !
Lastly, tonight’s star prize… something to develop your creativity…using some of the prize’s high quality colouring pens, on the pad of high quality drawing paper, you can create those masterpieces you have always wanted to. We throw in a high quality pencil case and….to promote your self-esteem and to show the world how very artistic you are…a pack of Blu-Tac, so you can display your artwork anywhere and everywhere…WOW! You have designs on this Amanda!
Well!! We have begun…and all of us at Randomland hope you enjoyed tonight’s show and wish you an absolutely fab weekend.
Hope to see you all again soon.
Much fondness and huggles
Reg
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